First Post

   Welcome to the first posting on my new lifestyle blog. All of this is so new to me, so please be patient with me as I learn to navigate myself in the world of blogging.

   First a little about myself. I am from Nebraska. I was a hairdresser, salon owner for 24 years. I am widowed, and working very hard to get healthy. It has become my full time job. I have over 300 pounds to lose. It seems like a tremendous amount. But I am the same as someone who has 20 pounds to lose. I argue with the same Oreo cookie you do. We both lose it one pound at a time, mine happens to be 300 times. this has been a struggle through out my life. I have had many successes and many
failures. But I never give up, and truly believe I will be able to achieve and maintain a healthy body.

    As this blog goes on, I will fill in more details of my life. One warning, I am very open, outspoken, and sometimes irreverent. I do not have a potty mouth, but I use offensive words like fat and fatty. One more thing, I am head over heels in love with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I will mention Him from time to time, but do not consider myself religious, and do not plan on shoving religion down anyones throat. Mine is a personal relationship with Christ, deeply intimate.

   The most recent awaking I had was last Tuesday. I have been blessed to have a couple of trainers come to my home, pro bono, the last few weeks. They help me get my body moving and burn off some calories. I had gotten stuck, this summer I lost 50 pounds. It was time to push my boundaries. Honestly, I thought they would  just sit me in a chair, and I would wave my arms around, eat healthy and the 300 would drop off. I was giving about 75%. My biggest struggles was not what I was eating, but how much. I was in denial and thought I was giving 100% and looking at my monsters in the face. I actually got a bit cocky about it. I had the luxury of personal trainers coming to my home, and fussing over me, and all I had to do was unlock the door and let them in my living room. I think for a while I thought I was Oprah. But NO! These girls have me figured out.

    I had turned on my fat girl charm as usual, and became gushing nice, to win over these new friends. Don't most of us who are lifetime fatties have mechanisms we instill in our personalities to cope in this world and to make us likeable? Mine is being very cool, sweet as pie, smart, and generous to a fault. That is what this fat girl feels she needs to do to make friends. I have never though I was worth much to anyone as I was,  unless I offered up something. If I was a 110 pound blue eyed blonde, I could just walk in a room and light it up. Now that I am aware of this behavior in myself, I can spot it right away in another fatty. I realize now, that the blue eyes blonde has issues of her own. We all struggle with something. I just wear mine. When you are fat, people see your sin visibly.

    Any way, back to my trainers, we got to talking about weigh in day.  The first of the month, I have been very nervous about this because I knew my 75% participation was not enough. I fessed up and shared my fear. I was expecting some support, maybe even sympathy, you know like when you have a gain at the WW meeting, and everyone tells you all the excuses that might have kept you from losing, so you won't feel bad and quit. We fatties are so supportive of each other. But sometimes too supportive. Well that's not what happened here. The blonde one started telling me bluntly what was going to happen to me if I did not give all I had. She explained if I kept on the road I was on, someday I would need a team of men and heavy equipment to take me to the hospital, another crew to just get me in the hospital bed, and I would lose even the tiny bit of dignity I had left. Then she went on to say it was pointless to waste her time and mine when there are many others who would love their help. But, she also told me she loved me and cared for me, she saw my worth and potential. You see, these girls care enough about me to take a chance at losing my friendship in order to teach me how to save my own life. This is the epitome of love and friendship. So I received my verbal spanking. It was embarrassing, and humiliating. I wanted to run, well shuffle, out of the room. It was awkward and uncomfortable. But it was truth. The point I want to make is, no matter what that scale says on Tuesday, I have turned things around. I am eating very mindfully and carefully, and ready to give them 110% Tuesday. There is no comfortable way to good health, but there is nothing comfortable about trying to live as a 456 pound woman. Yep, I said it, the big number.  You were all curious anyway. That number does not define who I am, or by any measure of how lovable and worthwhile I am. I am stepping out of shame, and getting real. I have a lot more to say, so get ready. This is going to be a bumpy ride. But I will promise you one thing, it won't be boring. Blessings everyone!