Self Pity

   Here is part of the writing about self pity, from the devotional "Jesus Calling"


Be on guard against the pit of self-pity. When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face. Don’t even go near the edge of the pit. Its edges crumble easily, and before you know it, you are on the way down. It is ever so much harder to get out of the pit than to keep a safe distance from it. That is why I tell you to be on guard.

   This is again one of my bare naked confessions. I am not proud of this part of my character at all. It's a part of me I have asked God to deliver me from. But being bound by shame is much harder than exposing my character flaws. 

   I have been kidnapped by self pity for 12 years now. I had a good excuse to fall into that pit and stay there. I had dealt with the death of my parents, my aunt, who was like a grandmother to me. Rejection from most of my family. I was married for 6 years and my husband suddenly died. All of my finances were depleted due to my husbands bad health. I felt abandoned and alone. I gained 200 pounds. There is much more, but I think you get the picture. This situation got me a lot of sympathy. And I milked it for all it was worth. I'm not proud of that either. But I was stuck, felt hopeless, and worthless. 

   I prayed for God to free me from my misery. I tried to end it myself December 25, 2011. I sat in my garage, in my car, garage door shut, trying to find the courage to end it all. I was too scared, and because of my belief in what would happen to my soul, I chose to live. I think way down deep, I knew I was worth more than to end my life that way. 

   So I lived in a simple existence. I tried every way I knew how to reboot my life again. I loved the Lord, but could not understand why he was torturing me this way. I wallowed and wallowed in my own poop. Yes POOP! There is some comfort in that, it's warm, it's mine, but it STINKS! I got weary of the way this wallowing isolated me from my friends, and stopped me from enjoying the things in life that bought me joy. I had reason to feel bad, I was dealt a bad hand. I was judged and abandoned from the very people I thought I needed in my life. I was broke, I was huge, sleeping and eating were my only pleasures in life. My dreams in my sleep had become better than my real life. 

   Somewhere in all my misery, I called out to God to rescue me. He answered my prayers, but in a very  unexpected way. And not Suddenly, or magically. It was a slow evolution of answered prayer. One step at a time. little by little he put one tiny step in front of me, sometimes so subtle that I hardly noticed I was climbing out of that pit. I am still climbing, I will be until I take my last breath on this earth. But the difference now is, when I look back, it takes my breath away. I see the progress. I have lost 93 pounds, taking better care of my body, I have trainers that are helping and guide me to a place I never dreamed I could go. I have a dear sweet patient life coach, who gently tells me like it is, and a relationship with my Lord and Savior that I did not know could exist. This is growth, but not arrival. I have learned that there is no arrival. So you better just relax and enjoy the journey. This philosophy helps me to stay in today, and enjoy the gift of life daily, instead of expecting that magic moment to arrive. Or that magic number on the scale that will bring me joy the second I achieve it. 

   Today, I am grateful for the grace of God. I am grateful for the way He takes the rubble of our lives and makes something beautiful. My battles are my treasures. Only God can do that.Here is the rest of the devotional from "Jesus Calling".   Be blessed everyone! 

There are several ways to protect yourself from self-pity. When you are occupied with praising and thanking Me, it is impossible to feel sorry for yourself. Also, the closer you live to Me, the more distance there is between you and the pit. Live in the Light of My Presence by fixing your eyes on Me. Then you will be able to run with endurance the race that is set before you, without stumbling or falling.

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.
—Psalm 89:15

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
—Hebrews 12:1–2 nasb